Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

      1. Rule #1: Once you have their money, you never give it back.
      2. Rule #2: The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
      3. Rule #3: Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
      4. Rule #4: Time and Latinum are precious.
      5. Rule #5: Always exaggerate your estimate.
      6. Rule #6: Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
      7. Rule #7: Keep your ears open.
      8. Rule #8: Small print leads to large risk.
      9. Rule #9: Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.  Instinct without opportunity is useless.
      10. Rule #10: Greed is eternal.
      11. Rule #11: Even if it’s free, you can always buy it cheaper.
      12. Rule #12: Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
      13. Rule #13: Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
      14. Rule #14: Keep your family close; keep your Latinum closer.
      15. Rule #15: Death – – – (a). Dead men close no deals.  (b). A dead customer can’t buy as much as a live one.  (c). A dead vendor doesn’t demand money (d). Death cannot be bribed.
      16. Rule #16: A deal is a deal, until a better one comes along.
      17. Rule #17: A contract is a contract is a contract: but only between Ferengi.
      18. Rule #18: A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
      19. Rule #19: Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
      20. Rule #20: He who dives under the table today, lives to profit tomorrow.
      21. Rule #21: Never place friendship before profit.
      22. Rule #22: A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
      23. Rule #23: Nothing is more important than health, except money.
      24. Rule #24: Latinum can’t buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.
      25. Rule #25: You pay for it, it’s your idea.
      26. Rule #26: As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
      27. Rule #27: There’s nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
      28. Rule #28: Whisper your way to success.
      29. Rule #29: Always ask, “What’s in it for me?”
      30. Rule #30: Talk is cheap, synthehol isn’t.
      31. Rule #31: Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother (added later) insult something he cares about instead.
      32. Rule #32: Be careful what you sell, it may do exactly what the customer
      33. expects. Rule #33: It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
      34. Rule #34: War is good for business,   (added later) but only from a distance, the closer to the front lines, the less profitable it gets.
      35. Rule #35: Peace is good for business… unless you happen to be an arms merchant!
      36. Rule #36: Neutrality is good for business.
      37. Rule #37: If it’s free, take it and worry about hidden costs later.
      38. Rule #38: Everyone needs something.
      39. Rule #39: Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.
      40. Rule #40: She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum.
      41. Rule #41: Profit is its own reward.
      42. Rule #42: What’s mine is mine.
      43. Rule #43: What’s yours can be mine.
      44. Rule #44: Never confuse wisdom with luck.
      45. Rule #45: Expand or Die.
      46. Rule #46: Make your shop easy to find.
      47. Rule #47: Don’t trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
      48. Rule #48: The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
      49. Rule #49: Everything is worth something to somebody.
      50. Rule #50: Gratitude can bring on generosity.
      51. Rule #51: Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so.
      52. Rule #52: Never ask when you can take.
      53. Rule #53: Never trust anybody taller than you.
      54. Rule #54: Never trust a Ferengi with bigger lobes.
      55. Rule #55: Advertise.
      56. Rule #56: Be discreet.
      57. Rule #57 :Good customers are as rare as Latinum; treasure them.
      58. Rule #58: There is no substitute for success.
      59. Rule #59: Free advice is seldom cheap.
      60. Rule #60: Keep your lies consistent.
      61. Rule #61: Never underestimate the power of bribery.
      62. Rule #62: The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
      63. Rule #63: Share only what isn’t yours.
      64. Rule #64: You don’t need a store front to set up shop.
      65. Rule #65: Win or lose, there’s always Huyperian beetle snuff.
      66. Rule #66: Double the price, then sell it half off.
      67. Rule #67: Always inspect the merchandise.
      68. Rule #68: A little ear stroking goes a long way.
      69. Rule #69: Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
      70. Rule #70: Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other Ferengi.
      71. Rule #71: Close the deal, and then answer questions.
      72. Rule #72: Never trust your customers, especially if they are your relatives.
      73. Rule #73: If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
      74. Rule #74: Knowledge equals profit.
      75. Rule #75: Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum.
      76. Rule #76: Every once in a while, declare peace. “It confuses the hell out of your enemies
      77. Rule #77: It’s  better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
      78. Rule #78: When the going gets tough, the tough change the Rules.
      79. Rule #79: Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
      80. Rule #80: Greed is known by many names.
      81. Rule #81: There’s a difference between being a coward and running away.
      82. Rule #82: The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
      83. Rule #83: Even the wealth of the Nagus started with one slip of Latinum.
      84. Rule #84: A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
      85. Rule #85: Never let the competition know what you’re thinking.
      86. Rule #86: When the odds are against you never give up; just quit.
      87. Rule #87: A friend in need means three times the profit.
      88. Rule #88: It ain’t over ’till it’s over.
      89. Rule #89: Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits.
      90. Rule #90: The Divine Treasury awaits.
      91. Rule #91: Hear all, trust nothing.
      92. Rule #92: There are many paths to profit.
      93. Rule #93: Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
      94. Rule #94: Females and finances don’t mix.
      95. Rule #95: Prejudice only eliminates customers.
      96. Rule #96: For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule (except when there’s not.)
      97. Rule #97: Enough… is never enough.
      98. Rule #98: Every man has his price.
      99. Rule #99: Trust is the biggest liability of all.
      100. Rule #100: If they take your first offer, you either asked too little, or offered too much.
      101. Rule #101: The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
      102. Rule #102: Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever.
      103. Rule #103: Sleep:   (a) Sleep can interfere with negotiations.  (b) Sleep can interfere with opportunity.  (c) Never sleep with the boss’s wife unless you pay him first.  (d) Never sleep with the boss’s sister.
      104. Rule #104: Faith moves mountains of inventory.
      105. Rule #105: Don’t trust anyone who trusts you.
      106. Rule #106: There is no honor in poverty.
      107. Rule #107: A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
      108. Rule #108: Don’t buy what you can’t sell.
      109. Rule #109: Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
      110. Rule #110: Playing dumb is often smart.
      111. Rule #111: Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them [ruthlessly].
      112. Rule #112: Never have sex with the boss’ sister.
      113. Rule #113: Always have sex with the boss.
      114. Rule #114: Morality is defined by those in power
      115. Rule #115: The best contract always has a lot of fine print.
      116. Rule #116: There’s always a catch.
      117. Rule #117: Profit is the better part of valor.
      118. Rule #118: There is no profit in revenge.
      119. Rule #119: Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet, sometimes, good things come in small packages.
      120. Rule #120: Borrow on a handshake, lend in writing.
      121. Rule #121: Everything is for sale, including friendship.
      122. Rule #122: Do not forsake your profits and they will watch over you.
      123. Rule #123: Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.
      124. Rule #124: Diligent hands bring wealth.
      125. Rule #125: You can’t make a deal if you’re dead.
      126. Rule #126: Count it.
      127. Rule #127: Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.
      128. Rule #128: Secrets are commodities, sell them.
      129. Rule #129: The fear of poverty is the beginning of knowledge.
      130. Rule #130: Never pay for sentiment, always charge for it.
      131. Rule #131: Information is profit.
      132. Rule #132: Never take no from someone who wasn’t authorized to give you yes.
      133. Rule #133: Only those ideas that lead to profit are good.
      134. Rule #134: One good turn requires another.
      135. Rule #135: Never trust a beneficiary.
      136. Rule #136: Seek profit first and everything else will follow.
      137. Rule #137: Everything is negotiable.
      138. Rule #138: Wealth brings satisfaction.
      139. Rule #139: Wives serve, brothers inherit.
      140. Rule #140: Better great treasure with trouble than peace with poverty.
      141. Rule #141: Only fools pay retail.
      142. Rule #142: There’s no such thing as an unfair advantage.
      143. Rule #143: Risk is part of the game… play it for all it’s worth.
      144. Rule #144: There’s nothing wrong with charity…as long as it winds up in your pocket.
      145. Rule #145: A little and often fills your pockets.
      146. Rule #146: Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father.
      147. Rule #147: In all worthwhile labor there is profit.
      148. Rule #148: Wealth enables experience.
      149. Rule #149: Profit is encouragement to industry and enterprise.
      150. Rule #150: The way to become rich is to put all your Latinum in one sack, then watch the sack.
      151. Rule #151: The man is richest who’s pleasures are cheapest.
      152. Rule #152: A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn’t know
      153. Rule #153:  Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
      154. – 
      155. Rule #155: Power is 50% what you have and 50% what people think you have.
      156. Rule #156: Rainy days are good for business.
      157. Rule #157: Common sense is the collection of the customer’s prejudices.
      158. Rule #158: The first principle of a rigid businessman is to always be flexible.
      159. Rule #159: There are no creeds in mathematics.
      160. Rule #160: Happiness is not mere possession of profit, but joy of acquisition.
      161. Rule #161: Beyond the mountains there are more mountains.
      162. Rule #162: Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
      163. Rule #163: When a friend makes profit, you don’t.
      164. Rule #164: Life does not guarantee equality of conditions, only of opportunity.
      165. Rule #165: Never let your sense of morals get in the way of opportunity.
      166. Rule #166: The success of any great transaction does not depend on odds.
      167. Rule #167: Earning is not only a duty it’s a privilege.
      168. Rule #168: Whisper your way to success.
      169. Rule #169: Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
      170. Rule #170: The hand that feeds could be bitten.
      171. Rule #171: Blood is thicker than water, and harder to sell.  Latinum is thicker than both. 
      172. Rule #172: Chances aren’t what they used to be.
      173. Rule #173: Dream, plan, believe, act.
      174. Rule #174: If you can’t buy it, find someone who can.
      175. Rule #175: Gratitude is expensive.
      176. Rule #176: The wind always favors the best navigator.
      177. Rule #177: Know your enemies… but do business with them always.
      178. Rule #178: Power, leisure, and liberty are all words for profit.
      179. Rule #179: Opportunity may bring profit, friendship rarely does.
      180. Rule #180: Never discuss an opportunity with someone wealthier than you.
      181. Rule #181: Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
      182. Rule #182: The cost for profit is never too high.
      183. Rule #183: When it’s a question of profit, everyone is of one belief.
      184. Rule #184: In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
      185. Rule #185: Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.
      186. Rule #186: There is no security, only opportunity.
      187. Rule #187: The philosophy of one is the common sense of another.
      188. Rule #188: A fool and his money are the best customer.
      189. Rule #189: Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
      190. Rule #190: Hear all, trust nothing.
      191. Rule #191: A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
      192. Rule #192: Never cheat a Klingon… unless you’re sure you can get away with it.
      193. Rule #193: Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of desire.
      194. Rule #194: It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
      195. Rule #195: You can’t jump a 20 foot gorge in two 10 foot jumps.
      196. Rule #196: Listen to advice; then do what you want anyway.
      197. Rule #197: Pick battles big enough to matter, but small enough to win.
      198. Rule #198: You can’t shake hands with a fist.
      199. Rule #199: The universe is not as difficult to comprehend as a Vulcan.
      200. Rule #200: A Ferengi chooses no side but his own.
      201. Rule #201: Wisdom consists of the anticipation of costs and consequences.
      202. Rule #202: The justification of profit is profit.
      203. Rule #203: New customers are like razor-backed Gree-worms… They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!
      204. Rule #204: It takes a Ferengi to cheat a Ferengi.
      205. Rule #205: Trust can be expensive.
      206. Rule #206: Distrust can be expensive.
      207. Rule #207: Sense without education is better than education without sense.
      208. Rule #208: Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question, is an answer.
      209. Rule #209: To many lobes spoil the deal.
      210. Rule #210: Always be smarter than the people you hire.
      211. Rule #211: Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success… don’t hesitate to step on them.
      212. Rule #212: You and your Latinum are all you’ve got.
      213. Rule #213: Those who concede to sell for less understand the value of business.
      214. Rule #214: Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
      215. Rule #215: Profit may not bring happiness, but there is no happiness without profit.
      216. Rule #216: Never gamble with an empath.
      217. Rule #217: You can’t free a fish from water.
      218. Rule #218: Always know what you’re buying.
      219. Rule #219: Possession is 11/10 of the law.
      220. Rule #220: Listen what they say while watching what they do.
      221. Rule #221: Computers can only give you the answers.
      222. Rule #222: The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be believed.
      223. Rule #223: Beware the man who doesn’t make time for oo-mox.
      224. Rule #224: Listen to your lobes.
      225. Rule #225: Always follow one step ahead.
      226. Rule #226: Learn the language; translators malfunction.
      227. Rule #227: Emulation with profit is better than innovation with none.
      228. Rule #228: Bid high and bid often.
      229. Rule #229: Latinum lasts longer than lust.
      230. Rule #230: If they’re smarter than you, make them a lesser partner.
      231. Rule #231: There’s a customer born every minute; be sure you’re the first to find each one.
      232. Rule #232: Deal only with select clientele. (Those who are rich and not so bright.)
      233. Rule #233: Latinum doesn’t grow on trees.
      234. Rule #234: There’s nothing wrong with a good delusion.
      235. Rule #235: Duck; death is tall.
      236. Rule #236: You can’t buy fate.
      237. Rule #237: It’s good to want things, especially things you can’t have.
      238. Rule #238: How I handle my business is none of yours.
      239. Rule #239: Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
      240. Rule #240: Do it yourself and keep it yourself.
      241. Rule #241: Never trust a hardworking employee.
      242. Rule #242: More is good… all is better.
      243. Rule #243: The more good will you can generate, the longer your customers stay.
      244. Rule #244: Because something’s priceless doesn’t mean it’s not worthless.
      245. Rule #245: Benevolence is 50/50.
      246. Rule #246: Innocence is expensive.
      247. Rule #247: Don’t negotiate with the underlings.
      248. Rule #248: Profit is in the details.
      249. Rule #249: Once it’s sold stop selling.
      250. Rule #250: Precious things are for those that can prize them.
      251. Rule #251: Don’t miss the opportunity by grabbing at the shadow.
      252. Rule #252: Little steps may prove great profit.
      253. Rule #253: Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer’s stuck purse.
      254. Rule #254: Better a fat slave than to starve free.
      255. Rule #255: A wife is a luxury… a smart accountant, a necessity.
      256. Rule #256: Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score.
      257. Rule #257: Despise the things you cannot have.
      258. Rule #258: A slip in the hand is better than a bar in sight.
      259. Rule #259: Wealth not yours might well as not exist.
      260. Rule #260: Life’s not fair. How else would you turn a profit?
      261. Rule #261: A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
      262. Rule #262: A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
      263. Rule #263: Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum.
      264. Rule #264: Distrust interested advice.
      265. Rule #265: The customer is always right… until you get their Latinum.
      266. Rule #266: When in doubt, lie.
      267. Rule #267: If you believe it, they believe it.
      268. Rule #268: Hold on to what you have, but plan for future luck.
      269. Rule #269: Trying to please an enemy makes you the loser everytime.
      270. Rule #270: In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.
      271. Rule #271: What we want is not always the most profitable.
      272. Rule #272: Think twice before leaping once.
      273. Rule #273: Don’t waste your breath arguing with a Klingon; save it for the running you may have to do.
      274. Rule #274: Consider your next transaction while counting your Latinum.
      275. Rule #275: Foolish investment based on foolish advice is still foolish investment.
      276. Rule #276: Overbooking is standard practice.
      277. Rule #277: Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from.
      278. Rule #278: Appearances are deceptive. Dress above yourself.
      279. Rule #279: Necessity knows no price.
      280. Rule #280: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
      281. Rule #281: Greed cannot overreach itself.
      282. Rule #282: The value of something is not in its use, but in its price.
      283. Rule #283: An individual is smart, a group is not.
      284. Rule #284: Deep down, everyone’s a Ferengi.
      285. Rule #285: No good deed ever goes unpunished.
      286. Rule #286: When Morn leaves, it’s over.

The Final Rule – also known as The Unwritten Rule: When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up!

  1. 150 Worthy Corollaries
        1.  
    1. A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.
    2. Shoot first.  Count profits later.
    3. Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal.
    4. Money is money, but females are better.
    5. The answer to quick and easy profit is: buy for less, sell for more
    6. Why ask, when you can take?
    7. Good things often come in small packages.
    8. A good lie is easier to believe than the truth.
    9. If that’s what’s written, then that’s what’s written.
    10. A distracted policeman is an opportunity.
    11. If it works, sell it. If it works well, sell it for more. If it doesn’t work, quadruple the price and sell it as an antique.
    12. Time, like latinum, is a highly limited commodity.
    13. When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits… kill the messenger. 
    14. Only negotiate when you are certain to profit
    15. A bargain usually isn’t
    16. There is no profit in buying cheap merchandise
    17. Acting stupid is often smart
    18. Latinum isn’t the only thing that shines
    19. Exploitation begins at home.
    20. Don’t lie too soon after a promotion
    21. Opportunity waits for no one
    22. Pain passes, but profits remain.
    23. After you’ve exploited someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it’s easier to exploit them next time
    24. Work hard so you don’t have to.
    25. Keep count of your change
    26. The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it
    27. If you can’t break a contract, bend it
    28. Ferengi’s don’t give promotional gifts!
    29. Never take the last coin, but be sure to get the rest
    30. When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat
    31. Profit has limits. Loss has none
    32. The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down
    33. Never cheat a honest man offering a decent price
    34. Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers
    35. A smart customer is not a good customer
    36. Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent
    37. Never argue with a loaded phaser
    38. Fear makes a good business partner
    39. Mine is better than ours
    40. Never do something you can make someone do for you
    41. When someone says “It’s not the money,” they’re lying
    42. If you see profit on a journey, take it
    43. When someone says “It’s not the money, it’s the principle.”  It’s the money
    44. Beware of small expenses: a small leak will kill a ship
    45. Never use Latinum where your words will do
    46. Power without profit is like a ship without an engine
    47. Everything that has no owner, needs one
    48. Never buy anything you can’t sell.
    49. Never buy what can be stolen.  Anything stolen is pure profit.
    50. Always sell at the highest possible profit
    51. Good customers are almost as rare as Latinum – treasure them
    52. Sell first; ask questions later
    53. Beware of relatives bearing gifts
    54. Time is Latinum. The early Ferengi get the Latinum
    55. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon
    56. Money talks, but having a lots of it gets more attention
    57. Wise men don’t lie, they just bend the truth
    58. Never admit a mistake if there’s someone else to blame
    59. Pursue profit; women come later
    60. Friendship is seldom cheap
    61. You could afford your ship without your government – if it weren’t for your government.
    62. A warranty without loop-holes is a liability
    63. Money is never made. It is merely won or lost
    64. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise
    65. Never bluff a Klingon
    66. If the profit seems too good to be true, it usually is.
    67. Gamble and trade have two things in common: risk and Latinum
    68. Compassion is no substitute for a profit
    69. Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person
    70. Benefit from the greed of others
    71. Celebrate when you are paid, not, when you are promised
    72. Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder.
    73. He’s a fool who makes his doctor his heir
    74. If you can’t sell it, sit on it, but never give it away
    75.  If you would keep a secret from an enemy, don’t tell it to a friend.   The secret of one person is another person’s opportunity
    76. Don’t discriminate. The most unlikely species can create the best customers
    77. Don’t pay until you have the goods
    78. Buy, sell, or get out of the way
    79. The customer is always right … until you have their cash
    80. Most species will say how it can be done.  Ferengi do it.
    81. Only a fool passes up a business opportunity
    82. A lie isn’t a lie until someone else knows the truth.
    83. His money is only yours when he can’t get it back
    84. A lie isn’t a lie, it’s just the truth seen from a different point of view.
    85. A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer
    86. You can always buy back a lost reputation
    87. Respect other culture’s beliefs; they’ll be more likely to give you money
    88. Respect is good, Latinum is better
    89. Loose lips, lose ships.
    90. Only fools negotiate with their own money. 
    91. Sometimes, what you get free costs entirely too much
    92. The family of Fools is ancient
    93. A thirsty customer is good for profit, a drunk one isn’t
    94. You are surrounded by opportunities; you just have to know where to look
    95. Drive your business or it will drive you
    96. Always ask for the costs first
    97. Never kill a customer, unless you make more profit out of his death than out of his life
    98. Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else’s
    99. If you’re going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable
    100. The difference between manure and Latinum is commerce
    101. Never allow one’s culture’s law to get in the way of a universal goal: profit
    102. When everything fails – run
    103. The world is a stage – don’t forget to demand admission
    104. A piece of Latinum in the hand is worth two in a customer’s pocket
    105. Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough
    106. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive. Fair play and financial loss go hand-in-hand
    107. When you have only 2 slips of Latinum left, buy bread with one, and bet the other.
    108. Whenever you think that things can’t get worse, the FCA will be knocking on you door.
    109. If you want to ruin yourself there are three known ways: Gambling is the fastest, women are the sweetest, and banks are the most reliable way
    110. Never offer a confession when a bribe will do
    111. Whenever you are asked if you are god, the right answer is YES.
    112. Genius without opportunity is like Latinum in the mine.
    113. Never bet on a race you haven’t fixed.
    114. Wounds heal, but debt is forever.
    115. Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes.
    116. Friends:  (a) A friend in need is a customer in the making.  (b). A friend in need means three times the profit
    117. A Ferengi in need, will never do anything for free
    118. When the Grand Nagus arrives to offer you a business opportunity, it’s time to leave town until he’s gone.
    119. Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer.
    120. Tell them what they want to hear.
    121. Never take hospitality from someone worse off than yourself
    122. Profit is like a bed of roses – a few thorns are inevitable.
    123. If you steal it, make sure it has a warranty.
    124. Rich men don’t come to buy; they come to take.
    125. Ambition knows no family.
    126. No lobes, no profit.
    127. The fear of loss may be your greatest enemy or your best friend – choose wisely.
    128. Wish not so much to Live Long, as to Live Well
    129. Anyone who can’t tell a fake doesn’t deserve the real thing.
    130. Never underestimate the importance of the fist impression.
    131. Never purchase anything that has been promised to be valuable or go up in value.
    132. If at first you don’t succeed, try to acquire again.
    133. There’s many witty men whose brains can’t line their pockets.
    134. It’s better to have gambled and lost than to never have gambled at all.
    135. It’s better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
    136. An empty bag can not stand upright.
    137. Never close a deal too soon after a female strokes your lobes.
    138. Business is like war; it’s important to recognize the winner.
    139. Rules are always subject to change and interpretation.
    140. Planning is okay, but on the 17th time of playing a scenario out in your head, ask yourself “is this useful?”
    141. Release your attachments. And you will find peace.
    142. You make your beliefs and your beliefs make you.
    143. If you think you are defeated, you are.

The Bee Theres

Beatitudes Readers Theater

Once upon a time there were Bee There’s – There was a Bama Mear, a Bapa Pear, and a Baby Bear. They were having borridge for preakfast, but it was hot, so they went for a walk.

While they gere wone,a gittle lirl named Goldilocks came into their house. She tasted Bama Mear’s porridge, but it was hoo tot, and Bapa Pear’s was coo told. Baby Bear’s was rust jight. She ate it all up.

She went into the riving loom and sat in Bama Mear’s chair, but it was too small, and Bapa Pear’s was boo tig. Baby Bear’s was rust jight. But it broke.

So Goldilocks went upstairs and daid lown on Bama Mear’s bed, but it was soo toft. Bapa Pear’s was too hard, and Baby Bear’s was rust jight. She was asleep when the bee thears came home.

Bama Mear screamed,”Tomeone sasted by porridge!” Bapa Pear bellowed,”Someone tasted py morridge!” And Baby Bear cried,”Tomeone sasted py morridge and its all gone!”

In the riving loom, Bama Mear screamed,”Someone sat in chy mair!” Bapa Pear bellowed,”Someone sat in chy mair!” And Baby Bear cried,”Someone sat in chy mair and its broken!”

Upstairs Bama Mear screamed,”Someone slept in by med!” Bapa Pear bellowed,”Someone slept in by med!” And Baby Bear cried,”Someone’s sleeping in by med!”

Soldilocks guddenly woke up and ran away.

Ee Thend

Rindercella

Peacorn! Popnuts! Chewing Can! and Gumdy!….Have you ever heard about spoonerisms? Well, now let me tell you the story about Rindercella…

Once apon a time, in a coreign fountry, there lived a very geautiful birl; her name was Rindercella. Now, Rindercella lived with her mugly other and her two sad bisters. And in that same coreign fountry, there lived a very prandsom hince.

One day, the prandsom hince decided to have a bancy fall. He invited people from riles amound, especially the pich reople. But Rindercella could not go because all she had to wear were some old rirty dags. So she just cat fsdown and scried. She was a kitten there a scrien, when all of a sudden her gairy fodmother appeared. And she waived her wagic mand…and all of a sudden there appeared before her, a cig boach and hix white sorces to take her to the bancy fall. But now she said to Rindercella, “Rindercella, you must be home before nidmight, or I’ll purn you into a tumpkin!”

So Rindercella went to the bancy fall, where she met the very prandsom hince, who she had been watchin through a widden hindow. She and the prandsom hince nanced all dight till nidmight…and they lell in fove. Suddenly, the mid clock struck night; Rindercella staced down the rairs, and just she beached the rottom, she slopped her dripper!

The next day, the prandsom hince went all over the coreign fountry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. He came to Rindercella’s house. He tried it on Rendercella’s mugly other…and it fidn’t dit. He tried it on her two sigly usters…and it fidn’t dit. He tried it on Rindercella…and it fid dit, it was exactly the sight rize!

The next day, Rindercella and the prandsom hince were married and they lived everly hafter happward.

Now, the moral of the story is this: If you ever loll in fove with a prandsom hince, be sure and slop your dripper!

The Germ who Came to Dinner

The invitations were sent. Email, text, phone calls, even two handwritten notes to luddites who were still friends.

Responses slowly trickled back.

Can’t wait. Maybe next time. What can I bring?
If I feel better, I will be there.

Finally the day arrived. Preparations began early.

The ham was put into the oven. Potato salad, macaroni salad, and olive and cheese plate, thin slices of capicola and gruyere on thin crusts of bruschetta

People started to arrive. Wine was poured. Plates were set out.

Conversation remained light.

The one who felt better, was not quite. Not dastardly sick, but with an occasional cough, and a sneeze – half of which was caught in a Kleenex.

The few germs that escaped found refuge on the ham, the potato salad. On the bruschetta.

On the silverware and plates festively decorating the table.

The party was a success. Days later, people recalled the party, as the germs rallied in the systems of their new host.

The germs: Cheering that the dance will continue.

Music for Listening

All music presented here is one hour or more.  * indicates load time.

Two Hours of Music * contemporary
Three Hours of Music * * contemporary
Five Hours of Music 3+2 * * * contemporary
Acapella Music *down home gospel (25 min)
Monkees and Beatles * (90 min)
Beatles * * * orig cover material (4 hours)
Beatles A * acoustic guitar (1 hour)
Beatles B * acoustic guitar (1 hour)
Beatles C * acoustic guitar (1 hour)
REO Brothers * * * * copy band (6 hours)
Baby Face * (35 minutes) 70’s remakes
Bee Gees – Sgt Pepper * * (80 minutes) Beatles remakes
Grand Funk Railroad * * (3 hours)  boogie rock
George Harrison * * (90 minutes) All Things must Pass
“To Cindy” * * (90 minutes) eclectic mix tape
Cat Stevens * (22 minutes)
Roaring 20’s * (1 hour)
Herman’s Hermits * * (1 hour)
Film Themes * (1 hour)
Hurricane Smith * (30 minutes)
Christmas Music 1 * (1 hour) Beatitudes Musicians
Christmas Music 2 * (1 hour) Commercial recordings
 10 cc * (2 hours) best songs from three albums
Alice’s Restaurant * (18 minutes)
Batman * (25 minutes) from the 1960’s album
Black Sabbath * (36 minutes) selected songs
Canta en Espanol * * (28 minutes) Edie Gourme
Hair: Rock Opera * (50 minutes) the album
King Crimson * (40 minutes) Crimson album
Mark Almond * (20 minutes) feel-good music
Paul McCartney * (35 minutes) McCartney album
SPOTIFY:  The second best alternative
MISC A * (36 minutes) eclectic mix
MISC B * (70 minutes) eclectic mix
MISC C * (62 minutes) eclectic mix
Peter Nero * (21 minutes) piano arrangements
Raspberries * (23 minutes) from Cleveland, Ohio
Roy Orbison * (33 minutes) the big hits
Sesame Street Monsters * (31 minutes) for KATE
Soup * (44 minutes) from the album SOUP
Spanish: Sing & Learn * (90 minutes) simple songs to learn
Nilsson’s  “The Point” * (38 minutes) The story about Mowgli

 

Beatitudes TV Schedule

This is an archive of programs that you might have missed.

They are listed here CATEGORICALLY and CHRONOLOGICALLY.

CLICK HERE

COPY AND PASTE – DEFAULT SETTINGS

Every Day – 7 Days a Week

7:45 am (7) RECORDED MUSIC Wakeup

10 am (7) FITNESS – Special Events

  • 10:00 & 1:00
    • M:  MOVE IT Yoga
    • T:  Mobility Workout
    • W:  MOVE IT Yoga
    • H:  Warmup with Marrissa
    • F:  MOVE IT Yoga
    • A: Warmup with Marrissa
    • U:  Mobility Workout
  • 10:30 & 1:30
    • M:  Mike’s Strength & Balance
    • T:  Fitness Foundations
    • W:  Mike’s Strength & Balance
    • H:  Fitness Foundations
    • F:  Mike’s Strength & Balance
    • A:  Mike’s Strength & Balance
    • S:  Mike’s Strength & Balance

12:00 N (7) World Tour with Music

Sunday

Programming subject to change.
7:30 Musical Wakeup: SAMPLE
9:00 Bio Pics: ABOUT
10:00 Gina Mobility Class: SAMPLE
10:30 Strength & Balance: SAMPLE
11:00 OPEN
12:00 Musical Relaxation: World Tours: ABOUT
1:00 Gina Mobility Class: SAMPLE
1:30 Strength & Balance: SAMPLE
2:00 Current SCAMs Overview:  ABOUT
3:00 Worship Service: SAMPLE Replays Tuesday
4:00 Hootenany: REPLAY: SAMPLE
5:00 MOVIE: ABOUT

Above links are for sample clips and programming information. (U) You can also scroll to time of program to read details about the program.

 

9 am (U) BIOGRAPHIES  (F)(U)

 

2 pm (U) SCAM AWARENESS (F)(A)(U)(M)

 

5 pm (U) MOVIES – (F)(A)(U)

  • Friday @ 6 pm, and Saturday Sunday at 5 pm
    • SEE FRIDAY @ 6 pm FOR COMPLETE AND SORTED MOVIE LIST WITH DATES AND TIMES

Monday

Programming subject to change.
7:30 Musical Wakeup: SAMPLE
9:00 Wakeup with Jon & Anthony SAMPLE
10:00 MOVE IT Yoga: SAMPLE
10:30 Strength & Balance: SAMPLE
11:00 Two Ladies Talking: SAMPLE
12:00 Musical Relaxation: World Tours: : ABOUT
1:00 MOVE IT Yoga: SAMPLE
1:30 Strength & Balance: SAMPLE
2:00 Current SCAMs Overview: ABOUT
3:00 History Documentaries: ABOUT
4:00 OPEN
5:00 OPEN

Above links are for sample clips and programming information. (M) You can also scroll to time of program to read details about the program.

 

2 pm (M)  SCAM AWARENESS (F)(A)(U)(M)

3 pm (M) HIST DOCUMENTARIES

Tuesday

Programming subject to change.
7:30 Musical Wakeup: SAMPLE
9:00 Wakeup with Jon & Anthony SAMPLE
10:00 Gina Mobility Class: SAMPLE
10:30 Cammie’s Fitness Foundations: SAMPLE
11:00 Beatitudes Ambassadors: ABOUT
12:00 Musical Relaxation: World Tours: SAMPLE
1:00 Gina Mobility Class: SAMPLE
1:30 Cammie’s Fitness Foundations: SAMPLE
2:00 Michelle and David – LIVE
3:00 Worship Service: SAMPLE
4:00 Hootenany: SAMPLE
5:00 Michelle and David: REPLAY
Above links are for sample clips only. (U) Scroll to time of program to read details about the program.

 

11 am (T) Tech Tuesday – Ambassador Videos

 

Wednesday

Programming subject to change.
7:30 Musical Wakeup: SAMPLE
9:00 Wakeup with Jon & Anthony SAMPLE
10:00 MOVE IT Yoga: SAMPLE
10:30 Strength & Balance: SAMPLE
11:00 Your Daily Equation: : ABOUT
12:00 Musical Relaxation: World Tours: : ABOUT
1:00 MOVE IT! Yoga: SAMPLE
1:30 Strength & Balance: SAMPLE
2:00 Michelle and David – REPLAY
3:00 Royal Institution: ABOUT
4:00 Hootenany: SAMPLE

Above links are for sample clips and programming information. (W) You can also scroll to time of program to read details about the program.

 

 

11 am (W)  YOUR DAILY EQUATION

 

 

3 pm (W) SCIENCE CLIPS (W)(H)

 

Thursday

Programming subject to change.
7:30 Musical Wakeup: SAMPLE
9:00 The Art of Design: SAMPLE
10:00 Warm up with Marissa: SAMPLE
10:30 Cammie’s Fitness Foundations: SAMPLE
11:00 WSU Master Classes: ABOUT
12:00 Musical Relaxation: World Tours: ABOUT
1:00 Warm up with Marissa: SAMPLE
1:30 Cammie’s Fitness Foundations: SAMPLE
2:00 Michelle and David – REPLAY
3:00 Royal Institution: ABOUT
4:00 World of Music: SAMPLE
5:00 Michelle and David: REPLAY

Above links are for sample clips and programming information. (H) You can also scroll to time of program to read details about the program.

 

 

 

9:00 (H) ART & CULTURE

 

11 am (H) WSU MASTER CLASS

 

3 pm (H) SCIENCE CLIPS (W)(H)

  • SEE WEDNESDAY AT 3 pm FOR LIST OF SCIENCE CLIPS

4 pm (H) WORLD TOUR of MUSIC

LIVE PERFORMANCES

Friday

Programming subject to change.
7:30 Musical Wakeup: SAMPLE
9:00 Bio Pics: Ryan Reynolds: Deadpool: ABOUT
10:00 MOVE IT! Yoga: SAMPLE
10:30 Strength & Balance: SAMPLE
11:00 Two Ladies Talking: SAMPLE
12:00 Musical Relaxation: Amalfi Coast: ABOUT
1:00 MOVE IT! Yoga: SAMPLE
1:30 Strength & Balance: SAMPLE
2:00 Current SCAMs Overview: WATCH IT
3:00 Secrets of Nature: ABOUT
4:00 Musical Concert: ABOUT
5:00 Dry Bar Comedy: ABOUT
6:00 MOVIE: ABOUT
Above links are for sample clips and programming information. (F) You can also scroll to time of program to read details about the program.

 

9 am – BIOGRAPHIES  (F)(U)

  • Bio Pics – The Untold Stories – Friday and Sunday @ 9:00 am
    • SEE SUNDAY @ 9 am FOR COMPLETE LIST AND DATES

2 pm (F) SCAM AWARENESS (F)(A)(U)(M)

3:00 pm (F) Secrets of Nature – YouTube Channel

 

5 pm (F) COMEDY

 

6 pm (F) MOVIES – (F)(A)(U)

Saturday

Programming subject to change.
7:30 Musical Wakeup: SAMPLE
9:00 The Art of Design: ABOUT
10:00 Warm up with Marissa: SAMPLE
10:30 Strength & Balance: SAMPLE
11:00 OPEN
12:00 Musical Relaxation: ABOUT
1:00 Warm up with Marissa: SAMPLE
1:30 Strength & Balance: SAMPLE
2:00 Michelle and David: REPLAY
3:00 OPEN
4:00 Hootenany: REPLAY: SAMPLE
5:00 MOVIE: ABOUT

Above links are for sample clips and programming information. (A) You can also scroll to time of program to read details about the program.

 

 

 

 

2 pm (A) SCAM AWARENESS (F)(A)(U)(M)

 

5 pm (A) MOVIES – (F)(A)(U)

  • Friday @ 6 pm, and Saturday Sunday at 5 pm
    • SEE FRIDAY @ 6 pm FOR COMPLETE AND SORTED MOVIE LIST WITH DATES AND TIMES

CLICK HERE

 

Price increase for Netflix

As of September 1, 2011 Netflix will increase their price about $5 each regardless of the plan to which you have subscribed.

In 2012, they broke their plans into two subscriptions: Mail and Streaming

In 2014, they increased both of their plans by another dollar.

HMMMMM….

IN 2011, I had the Two CD plan with unlimited streaming. I plan on backing off to the ONE CD plan, still with unlimited streaming, so it will only cost me an extra dollar per month.

In 2012 the new thing that they were offering, is CD delivery only, or Streaming only. This ACTUALLY makes sense, since why should YOU pay for my streaming video if you don’t have a way to stream movies. Why should “JOE” pay for CD delivery if he ONLY watches streaming video.

In 2014, I am planning on ELIMINATING the Mail NetFlix service. It’s just not fair. Bluebox has inexpensive rentals, and for the few times per month that we exchange NetFlix DVDs this might be a better option for us.

Kudos to NetFlix for the new plan arrangements, epithets for increasing the prices. Still, I understand… Business is business… and I’d rather pay an extra dollar a month than to have them go out of business.

The Royal Wedding

There has been a lot of excitement and lots of comments, both good and bad, surrounding The Royal Wedding. Not being one to cast aspersions either way, here is a set of links that will allow you to catch up on The Event.

THE ROYAL WEDDING

Official Programme
The Marriage of
H.R.H. Prince William of Wales, K.G. with Miss Catherine Middleton
at
Westminster Abbey, 29th April, 2011
The Ceremonial, the Marriage Service and the Procession
published by Gracious Permission of
Her Majesty

CLICK HERE FOR
The Royal Wedding Program

A comprehensive and well-mixed video of The Wedding itself
has been posted on YouTube by a new YouTube User
(to me, anyway) named “theroyalchannel”

Below is a link to the 3 hour 38 minute event.

http://www.youtube.com/user/theroyalchannel

Want more? USE THIS LINK to view ALL YouTube videos
with the search qualifier “Royal Wedding”.

For a lighter side of The Royal Wedding
USE THIS LINK to view many of the spoof videos produced about it

It’s been pretty good

It’s been awhile since I posted. That means that things are going pretty well. Some of the glitches that I’ve found are as follows:
1. Hulu does a totally LOUSY job of remembering where you are when you are trying to make your way through a series.
2. Roku has their version of the Windows Blue Screen of Death. If your TV is turned off, or even if the channel changes, it locks up and you have to power down, then up, then wait for the boot process. It REALLY slows down getting into a movie.

On the plus side:
1. NetFlix is working out even better than I had dreamed. By recording DVDs onto my TiVo as soon as they arrive, and then turning the video around for another, most of our viewing is done through this process AND the NetFlix on-demand. There are SOME glitches in the on-demand feature, but very tolerable.

What I have enjoyed is NO cable bill or satellite bill.

Oh, Hulu Plus is about $8 per month, but despite some lousy performance, is still worth the cost. We will most likely be moving in a month or so, and I will take all of this information and make it permanent in our new home. I will hopefully post before then, but who knows.

Happy viewing.