Author: Robert Andrews

Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

      1. Rule #1: Once you have their money, you never give it back.
      2. Rule #2: The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
      3. Rule #3: Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
      4. Rule #4: Time and Latinum are precious.
      5. Rule #5: Always exaggerate your estimate.
      6. Rule #6: Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
      7. Rule #7: Keep your ears open.
      8. Rule #8: Small print leads to large risk.
      9. Rule #9: Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.  Instinct without opportunity is useless.
      10. Rule #10: Greed is eternal.
      11. Rule #11: Even if it’s free, you can always buy it cheaper.
      12. Rule #12: Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
      13. Rule #13: Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
      14. Rule #14: Keep your family close; keep your Latinum closer.
      15. Rule #15: Death – – – (a). Dead men close no deals.  (b). A dead customer can’t buy as much as a live one.  (c). A dead vendor doesn’t demand money (d). Death cannot be bribed.
      16. Rule #16: A deal is a deal, until a better one comes along.
      17. Rule #17: A contract is a contract is a contract: but only between Ferengi.
      18. Rule #18: A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
      19. Rule #19: Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
      20. Rule #20: He who dives under the table today, lives to profit tomorrow.
      21. Rule #21: Never place friendship before profit.
      22. Rule #22: A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
      23. Rule #23: Nothing is more important than health, except money.
      24. Rule #24: Latinum can’t buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.
      25. Rule #25: You pay for it, it’s your idea.
      26. Rule #26: As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
      27. Rule #27: There’s nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
      28. Rule #28: Whisper your way to success.
      29. Rule #29: Always ask, “What’s in it for me?”
      30. Rule #30: Talk is cheap, synthehol isn’t.
      31. Rule #31: Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother (added later) insult something he cares about instead.
      32. Rule #32: Be careful what you sell, it may do exactly what the customer
      33. expects. Rule #33: It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
      34. Rule #34: War is good for business,   (added later) but only from a distance, the closer to the front lines, the less profitable it gets.
      35. Rule #35: Peace is good for business… unless you happen to be an arms merchant!
      36. Rule #36: Neutrality is good for business.
      37. Rule #37: If it’s free, take it and worry about hidden costs later.
      38. Rule #38: Everyone needs something.
      39. Rule #39: Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.
      40. Rule #40: She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum.
      41. Rule #41: Profit is its own reward.
      42. Rule #42: What’s mine is mine.
      43. Rule #43: What’s yours can be mine.
      44. Rule #44: Never confuse wisdom with luck.
      45. Rule #45: Expand or Die.
      46. Rule #46: Make your shop easy to find.
      47. Rule #47: Don’t trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
      48. Rule #48: The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
      49. Rule #49: Everything is worth something to somebody.
      50. Rule #50: Gratitude can bring on generosity.
      51. Rule #51: Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so.
      52. Rule #52: Never ask when you can take.
      53. Rule #53: Never trust anybody taller than you.
      54. Rule #54: Never trust a Ferengi with bigger lobes.
      55. Rule #55: Advertise.
      56. Rule #56: Be discreet.
      57. Rule #57 :Good customers are as rare as Latinum; treasure them.
      58. Rule #58: There is no substitute for success.
      59. Rule #59: Free advice is seldom cheap.
      60. Rule #60: Keep your lies consistent.
      61. Rule #61: Never underestimate the power of bribery.
      62. Rule #62: The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
      63. Rule #63: Share only what isn’t yours.
      64. Rule #64: You don’t need a store front to set up shop.
      65. Rule #65: Win or lose, there’s always Huyperian beetle snuff.
      66. Rule #66: Double the price, then sell it half off.
      67. Rule #67: Always inspect the merchandise.
      68. Rule #68: A little ear stroking goes a long way.
      69. Rule #69: Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
      70. Rule #70: Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other Ferengi.
      71. Rule #71: Close the deal, and then answer questions.
      72. Rule #72: Never trust your customers, especially if they are your relatives.
      73. Rule #73: If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
      74. Rule #74: Knowledge equals profit.
      75. Rule #75: Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum.
      76. Rule #76: Every once in a while, declare peace. “It confuses the hell out of your enemies
      77. Rule #77: It’s  better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
      78. Rule #78: When the going gets tough, the tough change the Rules.
      79. Rule #79: Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
      80. Rule #80: Greed is known by many names.
      81. Rule #81: There’s a difference between being a coward and running away.
      82. Rule #82: The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
      83. Rule #83: Even the wealth of the Nagus started with one slip of Latinum.
      84. Rule #84: A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
      85. Rule #85: Never let the competition know what you’re thinking.
      86. Rule #86: When the odds are against you never give up; just quit.
      87. Rule #87: A friend in need means three times the profit.
      88. Rule #88: It ain’t over ’till it’s over.
      89. Rule #89: Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits.
      90. Rule #90: The Divine Treasury awaits.
      91. Rule #91: Hear all, trust nothing.
      92. Rule #92: There are many paths to profit.
      93. Rule #93: Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
      94. Rule #94: Females and finances don’t mix.
      95. Rule #95: Prejudice only eliminates customers.
      96. Rule #96: For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule (except when there’s not.)
      97. Rule #97: Enough… is never enough.
      98. Rule #98: Every man has his price.
      99. Rule #99: Trust is the biggest liability of all.
      100. Rule #100: If they take your first offer, you either asked too little, or offered too much.
      101. Rule #101: The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
      102. Rule #102: Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever.
      103. Rule #103: Sleep:   (a) Sleep can interfere with negotiations.  (b) Sleep can interfere with opportunity.  (c) Never sleep with the boss’s wife unless you pay him first.  (d) Never sleep with the boss’s sister.
      104. Rule #104: Faith moves mountains of inventory.
      105. Rule #105: Don’t trust anyone who trusts you.
      106. Rule #106: There is no honor in poverty.
      107. Rule #107: A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
      108. Rule #108: Don’t buy what you can’t sell.
      109. Rule #109: Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
      110. Rule #110: Playing dumb is often smart.
      111. Rule #111: Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them [ruthlessly].
      112. Rule #112: Never have sex with the boss’ sister.
      113. Rule #113: Always have sex with the boss.
      114. Rule #114: Morality is defined by those in power
      115. Rule #115: The best contract always has a lot of fine print.
      116. Rule #116: There’s always a catch.
      117. Rule #117: Profit is the better part of valor.
      118. Rule #118: There is no profit in revenge.
      119. Rule #119: Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet, sometimes, good things come in small packages.
      120. Rule #120: Borrow on a handshake, lend in writing.
      121. Rule #121: Everything is for sale, including friendship.
      122. Rule #122: Do not forsake your profits and they will watch over you.
      123. Rule #123: Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.
      124. Rule #124: Diligent hands bring wealth.
      125. Rule #125: You can’t make a deal if you’re dead.
      126. Rule #126: Count it.
      127. Rule #127: Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.
      128. Rule #128: Secrets are commodities, sell them.
      129. Rule #129: The fear of poverty is the beginning of knowledge.
      130. Rule #130: Never pay for sentiment, always charge for it.
      131. Rule #131: Information is profit.
      132. Rule #132: Never take no from someone who wasn’t authorized to give you yes.
      133. Rule #133: Only those ideas that lead to profit are good.
      134. Rule #134: One good turn requires another.
      135. Rule #135: Never trust a beneficiary.
      136. Rule #136: Seek profit first and everything else will follow.
      137. Rule #137: Everything is negotiable.
      138. Rule #138: Wealth brings satisfaction.
      139. Rule #139: Wives serve, brothers inherit.
      140. Rule #140: Better great treasure with trouble than peace with poverty.
      141. Rule #141: Only fools pay retail.
      142. Rule #142: There’s no such thing as an unfair advantage.
      143. Rule #143: Risk is part of the game… play it for all it’s worth.
      144. Rule #144: There’s nothing wrong with charity…as long as it winds up in your pocket.
      145. Rule #145: A little and often fills your pockets.
      146. Rule #146: Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father.
      147. Rule #147: In all worthwhile labor there is profit.
      148. Rule #148: Wealth enables experience.
      149. Rule #149: Profit is encouragement to industry and enterprise.
      150. Rule #150: The way to become rich is to put all your Latinum in one sack, then watch the sack.
      151. Rule #151: The man is richest who’s pleasures are cheapest.
      152. Rule #152: A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn’t know
      153. Rule #153:  Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
      154. – 
      155. Rule #155: Power is 50% what you have and 50% what people think you have.
      156. Rule #156: Rainy days are good for business.
      157. Rule #157: Common sense is the collection of the customer’s prejudices.
      158. Rule #158: The first principle of a rigid businessman is to always be flexible.
      159. Rule #159: There are no creeds in mathematics.
      160. Rule #160: Happiness is not mere possession of profit, but joy of acquisition.
      161. Rule #161: Beyond the mountains there are more mountains.
      162. Rule #162: Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
      163. Rule #163: When a friend makes profit, you don’t.
      164. Rule #164: Life does not guarantee equality of conditions, only of opportunity.
      165. Rule #165: Never let your sense of morals get in the way of opportunity.
      166. Rule #166: The success of any great transaction does not depend on odds.
      167. Rule #167: Earning is not only a duty it’s a privilege.
      168. Rule #168: Whisper your way to success.
      169. Rule #169: Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
      170. Rule #170: The hand that feeds could be bitten.
      171. Rule #171: Blood is thicker than water, and harder to sell.  Latinum is thicker than both. 
      172. Rule #172: Chances aren’t what they used to be.
      173. Rule #173: Dream, plan, believe, act.
      174. Rule #174: If you can’t buy it, find someone who can.
      175. Rule #175: Gratitude is expensive.
      176. Rule #176: The wind always favors the best navigator.
      177. Rule #177: Know your enemies… but do business with them always.
      178. Rule #178: Power, leisure, and liberty are all words for profit.
      179. Rule #179: Opportunity may bring profit, friendship rarely does.
      180. Rule #180: Never discuss an opportunity with someone wealthier than you.
      181. Rule #181: Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
      182. Rule #182: The cost for profit is never too high.
      183. Rule #183: When it’s a question of profit, everyone is of one belief.
      184. Rule #184: In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
      185. Rule #185: Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.
      186. Rule #186: There is no security, only opportunity.
      187. Rule #187: The philosophy of one is the common sense of another.
      188. Rule #188: A fool and his money are the best customer.
      189. Rule #189: Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
      190. Rule #190: Hear all, trust nothing.
      191. Rule #191: A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
      192. Rule #192: Never cheat a Klingon… unless you’re sure you can get away with it.
      193. Rule #193: Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of desire.
      194. Rule #194: It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
      195. Rule #195: You can’t jump a 20 foot gorge in two 10 foot jumps.
      196. Rule #196: Listen to advice; then do what you want anyway.
      197. Rule #197: Pick battles big enough to matter, but small enough to win.
      198. Rule #198: You can’t shake hands with a fist.
      199. Rule #199: The universe is not as difficult to comprehend as a Vulcan.
      200. Rule #200: A Ferengi chooses no side but his own.
      201. Rule #201: Wisdom consists of the anticipation of costs and consequences.
      202. Rule #202: The justification of profit is profit.
      203. Rule #203: New customers are like razor-backed Gree-worms… They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!
      204. Rule #204: It takes a Ferengi to cheat a Ferengi.
      205. Rule #205: Trust can be expensive.
      206. Rule #206: Distrust can be expensive.
      207. Rule #207: Sense without education is better than education without sense.
      208. Rule #208: Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question, is an answer.
      209. Rule #209: To many lobes spoil the deal.
      210. Rule #210: Always be smarter than the people you hire.
      211. Rule #211: Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success… don’t hesitate to step on them.
      212. Rule #212: You and your Latinum are all you’ve got.
      213. Rule #213: Those who concede to sell for less understand the value of business.
      214. Rule #214: Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
      215. Rule #215: Profit may not bring happiness, but there is no happiness without profit.
      216. Rule #216: Never gamble with an empath.
      217. Rule #217: You can’t free a fish from water.
      218. Rule #218: Always know what you’re buying.
      219. Rule #219: Possession is 11/10 of the law.
      220. Rule #220: Listen what they say while watching what they do.
      221. Rule #221: Computers can only give you the answers.
      222. Rule #222: The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be believed.
      223. Rule #223: Beware the man who doesn’t make time for oo-mox.
      224. Rule #224: Listen to your lobes.
      225. Rule #225: Always follow one step ahead.
      226. Rule #226: Learn the language; translators malfunction.
      227. Rule #227: Emulation with profit is better than innovation with none.
      228. Rule #228: Bid high and bid often.
      229. Rule #229: Latinum lasts longer than lust.
      230. Rule #230: If they’re smarter than you, make them a lesser partner.
      231. Rule #231: There’s a customer born every minute; be sure you’re the first to find each one.
      232. Rule #232: Deal only with select clientele. (Those who are rich and not so bright.)
      233. Rule #233: Latinum doesn’t grow on trees.
      234. Rule #234: There’s nothing wrong with a good delusion.
      235. Rule #235: Duck; death is tall.
      236. Rule #236: You can’t buy fate.
      237. Rule #237: It’s good to want things, especially things you can’t have.
      238. Rule #238: How I handle my business is none of yours.
      239. Rule #239: Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
      240. Rule #240: Do it yourself and keep it yourself.
      241. Rule #241: Never trust a hardworking employee.
      242. Rule #242: More is good… all is better.
      243. Rule #243: The more good will you can generate, the longer your customers stay.
      244. Rule #244: Because something’s priceless doesn’t mean it’s not worthless.
      245. Rule #245: Benevolence is 50/50.
      246. Rule #246: Innocence is expensive.
      247. Rule #247: Don’t negotiate with the underlings.
      248. Rule #248: Profit is in the details.
      249. Rule #249: Once it’s sold stop selling.
      250. Rule #250: Precious things are for those that can prize them.
      251. Rule #251: Don’t miss the opportunity by grabbing at the shadow.
      252. Rule #252: Little steps may prove great profit.
      253. Rule #253: Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer’s stuck purse.
      254. Rule #254: Better a fat slave than to starve free.
      255. Rule #255: A wife is a luxury… a smart accountant, a necessity.
      256. Rule #256: Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score.
      257. Rule #257: Despise the things you cannot have.
      258. Rule #258: A slip in the hand is better than a bar in sight.
      259. Rule #259: Wealth not yours might well as not exist.
      260. Rule #260: Life’s not fair. How else would you turn a profit?
      261. Rule #261: A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
      262. Rule #262: A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
      263. Rule #263: Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum.
      264. Rule #264: Distrust interested advice.
      265. Rule #265: The customer is always right… until you get their Latinum.
      266. Rule #266: When in doubt, lie.
      267. Rule #267: If you believe it, they believe it.
      268. Rule #268: Hold on to what you have, but plan for future luck.
      269. Rule #269: Trying to please an enemy makes you the loser everytime.
      270. Rule #270: In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.
      271. Rule #271: What we want is not always the most profitable.
      272. Rule #272: Think twice before leaping once.
      273. Rule #273: Don’t waste your breath arguing with a Klingon; save it for the running you may have to do.
      274. Rule #274: Consider your next transaction while counting your Latinum.
      275. Rule #275: Foolish investment based on foolish advice is still foolish investment.
      276. Rule #276: Overbooking is standard practice.
      277. Rule #277: Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from.
      278. Rule #278: Appearances are deceptive. Dress above yourself.
      279. Rule #279: Necessity knows no price.
      280. Rule #280: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
      281. Rule #281: Greed cannot overreach itself.
      282. Rule #282: The value of something is not in its use, but in its price.
      283. Rule #283: An individual is smart, a group is not.
      284. Rule #284: Deep down, everyone’s a Ferengi.
      285. Rule #285: No good deed ever goes unpunished.
      286. Rule #286: When Morn leaves, it’s over.

The Final Rule – also known as The Unwritten Rule: When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up!

  1. 150 Worthy Corollaries
        1.  
    2. A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.
    3. Shoot first.  Count profits later.
    4. Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal.
    5. Money is money, but females are better.
    6. The answer to quick and easy profit is: buy for less, sell for more
    7. Why ask, when you can take?
    8. Good things often come in small packages.
    9. A good lie is easier to believe than the truth.
    10. If that’s what’s written, then that’s what’s written.
    11. A distracted policeman is an opportunity.
    12. If it works, sell it. If it works well, sell it for more. If it doesn’t work, quadruple the price and sell it as an antique.
    13. Time, like latinum, is a highly limited commodity.
    14. When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits… kill the messenger. 
    15. Only negotiate when you are certain to profit
    16. A bargain usually isn’t
    17. There is no profit in buying cheap merchandise
    18. Acting stupid is often smart
    19. Latinum isn’t the only thing that shines
    20. Exploitation begins at home.
    21. Don’t lie too soon after a promotion
    22. Opportunity waits for no one
    23. Pain passes, but profits remain.
    24. After you’ve exploited someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it’s easier to exploit them next time
    25. Work hard so you don’t have to.
    26. Keep count of your change
    27. The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it
    28. If you can’t break a contract, bend it
    29. Ferengi’s don’t give promotional gifts!
    30. Never take the last coin, but be sure to get the rest
    31. When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat
    32. Profit has limits. Loss has none
    33. The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down
    34. Never cheat a honest man offering a decent price
    35. Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers
    36. A smart customer is not a good customer
    37. Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent
    38. Never argue with a loaded phaser
    39. Fear makes a good business partner
    40. Mine is better than ours
    41. Never do something you can make someone do for you
    42. When someone says “It’s not the money,” they’re lying
    43. If you see profit on a journey, take it
    44. When someone says “It’s not the money, it’s the principle.”  It’s the money
    45. Beware of small expenses: a small leak will kill a ship
    46. Never use Latinum where your words will do
    47. Power without profit is like a ship without an engine
    48. Everything that has no owner, needs one
    49. Never buy anything you can’t sell.
    50. Never buy what can be stolen.  Anything stolen is pure profit.
    51. Always sell at the highest possible profit
    52. Good customers are almost as rare as Latinum – treasure them
    53. Sell first; ask questions later
    54. Beware of relatives bearing gifts
    55. Time is Latinum. The early Ferengi get the Latinum
    56. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon
    57. Money talks, but having a lots of it gets more attention
    58. Wise men don’t lie, they just bend the truth
    59. Never admit a mistake if there’s someone else to blame
    60. Pursue profit; women come later
    61. Friendship is seldom cheap
    62. You could afford your ship without your government – if it weren’t for your government.
    63. A warranty without loop-holes is a liability
    64. Money is never made. It is merely won or lost
    65. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise
    66. Never bluff a Klingon
    67. If the profit seems too good to be true, it usually is.
    68. Gamble and trade have two things in common: risk and Latinum
    69. Compassion is no substitute for a profit
    70. Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person
    71. Benefit from the greed of others
    72. Celebrate when you are paid, not, when you are promised
    73. Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder.
    74. He’s a fool who makes his doctor his heir
    75. If you can’t sell it, sit on it, but never give it away
    76.  If you would keep a secret from an enemy, don’t tell it to a friend.   The secret of one person is another person’s opportunity
    77. Don’t discriminate. The most unlikely species can create the best customers
    78. Don’t pay until you have the goods
    79. Buy, sell, or get out of the way
    80. The customer is always right … until you have their cash
    81. Most species will say how it can be done.  Ferengi do it.
    82. Only a fool passes up a business opportunity
    83. A lie isn’t a lie until someone else knows the truth.
    84. His money is only yours when he can’t get it back
    85. A lie isn’t a lie, it’s just the truth seen from a different point of view.
    86. A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer
    87. You can always buy back a lost reputation
    88. Respect other culture’s beliefs; they’ll be more likely to give you money
    89. Respect is good, Latinum is better
    90. Loose lips, lose ships.
    91. Only fools negotiate with their own money. 
    92. Sometimes, what you get free costs entirely too much
    93. The family of Fools is ancient
    94. A thirsty customer is good for profit, a drunk one isn’t
    95. You are surrounded by opportunities; you just have to know where to look
    96. Drive your business or it will drive you
    97. Always ask for the costs first
    98. Never kill a customer, unless you make more profit out of his death than out of his life
    99. Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else’s
    100. If you’re going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable
    101. The difference between manure and Latinum is commerce
    102. Never allow one’s culture’s law to get in the way of a universal goal: profit
    103. When everything fails – run
    104. The world is a stage – don’t forget to demand admission
    105. A piece of Latinum in the hand is worth two in a customer’s pocket
    106. Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough
    107. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive. Fair play and financial loss go hand-in-hand
    108. When you have only 2 slips of Latinum left, buy bread with one, and bet the other.
    109. Whenever you think that things can’t get worse, the FCA will be knocking on you door.
    110. If you want to ruin yourself there are three known ways: Gambling is the fastest, women are the sweetest, and banks are the most reliable way
    111. Never offer a confession when a bribe will do
    112. Whenever you are asked if you are god, the right answer is YES.
    113. Genius without opportunity is like Latinum in the mine.
    114. Never bet on a race you haven’t fixed.
    115. Wounds heal, but debt is forever.
    116. Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes.
    117. Friends:  (a) A friend in need is a customer in the making.  (b). A friend in need means three times the profit
    118. A Ferengi in need, will never do anything for free
    119. When the Grand Nagus arrives to offer you a business opportunity, it’s time to leave town until he’s gone.
    120. Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer.
    121. Tell them what they want to hear.
    122. Never take hospitality from someone worse off than yourself
    123. Profit is like a bed of roses – a few thorns are inevitable.
    124. If you steal it, make sure it has a warranty.
    125. Rich men don’t come to buy; they come to take.
    126. Ambition knows no family.
    127. No lobes, no profit.
    128. The fear of loss may be your greatest enemy or your best friend – choose wisely.
    129. Wish not so much to Live Long, as to Live Well
    130. Anyone who can’t tell a fake doesn’t deserve the real thing.
    131. Never underestimate the importance of the fist impression.
    132. Never purchase anything that has been promised to be valuable or go up in value.
    133. If at first you don’t succeed, try to acquire again.
    134. There’s many witty men whose brains can’t line their pockets.
    135. It’s better to have gambled and lost than to never have gambled at all.
    136. It’s better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
    137. An empty bag can not stand upright.
    138. Never close a deal too soon after a female strokes your lobes.
    139. Business is like war; it’s important to recognize the winner.
    140. Rules are always subject to change and interpretation.
    141. Planning is okay, but on the 17th time of playing a scenario out in your head, ask yourself “is this useful?”
    142. Release your attachments. And you will find peace.
    143. You make your beliefs and your beliefs make you.
    144. If you think you are defeated, you are.

The Bee Theres

Beatitudes Readers Theater

Once upon a time there were Bee There’s – There was a Bama Mear, a Bapa Pear, and a Baby Bear. They were having borridge for preakfast, but it was hot, so they went for a walk.

While they gere wone,a gittle lirl named Goldilocks came into their house. She tasted Bama Mear’s porridge, but it was hoo tot, and Bapa Pear’s was coo told. Baby Bear’s was rust jight. She ate it all up.

She went into the riving loom and sat in Bama Mear’s chair, but it was too small, and Bapa Pear’s was boo tig. Baby Bear’s was rust jight. But it broke.

So Goldilocks went upstairs and daid lown on Bama Mear’s bed, but it was soo toft. Bapa Pear’s was too hard, and Baby Bear’s was rust jight. She was asleep when the bee thears came home.

Bama Mear screamed,”Tomeone sasted by porridge!” Bapa Pear bellowed,”Someone tasted py morridge!” And Baby Bear cried,”Tomeone sasted py morridge and its all gone!”

In the riving loom, Bama Mear screamed,”Someone sat in chy mair!” Bapa Pear bellowed,”Someone sat in chy mair!” And Baby Bear cried,”Someone sat in chy mair and its broken!”

Upstairs Bama Mear screamed,”Someone slept in by med!” Bapa Pear bellowed,”Someone slept in by med!” And Baby Bear cried,”Someone’s sleeping in by med!”

Soldilocks guddenly woke up and ran away.

Ee Thend

Rindercella

Peacorn! Popnuts! Chewing Can! and Gumdy!….Have you ever heard about spoonerisms? Well, now let me tell you the story about Rindercella…

Once apon a time, in a coreign fountry, there lived a very geautiful birl; her name was Rindercella. Now, Rindercella lived with her mugly other and her two sad bisters. And in that same coreign fountry, there lived a very prandsom hince.

One day, the prandsom hince decided to have a bancy fall. He invited people from riles amound, especially the pich reople. But Rindercella could not go because all she had to wear were some old rirty dags. So she just cat fsdown and scried. She was a kitten there a scrien, when all of a sudden her gairy fodmother appeared. And she waived her wagic mand…and all of a sudden there appeared before her, a cig boach and hix white sorces to take her to the bancy fall. But now she said to Rindercella, “Rindercella, you must be home before nidmight, or I’ll purn you into a tumpkin!”

So Rindercella went to the bancy fall, where she met the very prandsom hince, who she had been watchin through a widden hindow. She and the prandsom hince nanced all dight till nidmight…and they lell in fove. Suddenly, the mid clock struck night; Rindercella staced down the rairs, and just she beached the rottom, she slopped her dripper!

The next day, the prandsom hince went all over the coreign fountry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. He came to Rindercella’s house. He tried it on Rendercella’s mugly other…and it fidn’t dit. He tried it on her two sigly usters…and it fidn’t dit. He tried it on Rindercella…and it fid dit, it was exactly the sight rize!

The next day, Rindercella and the prandsom hince were married and they lived everly hafter happward.

Now, the moral of the story is this: If you ever loll in fove with a prandsom hince, be sure and slop your dripper!

Special Presentations

The videos listed below are in a “one-off” category.  That is, they are special, and really don’t fit in anywhere else.  Please enjoy!

Service Dog Website – Air Travel

 

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USE THIS LINK TO VISIT THE PAGE FROM WHICH THIS INFORMATION WAS COPIED.

1. Understanding the legal requirements and regulations for traveling with a service dog

When it comes to traveling with a service dog, it’s important to understand the legal requirements and regulations in place. Each country and airline may have their own specific rules, so it’s crucial to do thorough research before embarking on your journey.

Below are links to all major U.S. carriers Service Dog Page of their website:

First and foremost, it’s important to ensure that your service dog is properly trained.  Additionally, it’s important to familiarize yourself with the specific laws and regulations surrounding service dogs in the country you are traveling to. Some countries may require additional documentation including vaccination records, and it’s crucial to comply with these requirements to avoid any complications like quarantine during travel. It’s recommended to contact the airline ahead of time to inform them about your service dog and inquire about any specific procedures they may require, we recommend always booking in advance and securing bulkhead seats, and if the dog is very large you may want to purchase another seat so the dog has space. Some airlines may also have restrictions on the size or breed of service dogs allowed in the cabin, so it’s important to clarify these details beforehand.

In addition to airline policies, it’s important to understand the rights and responsibilities of traveling with a service dog in public spaces, including airports. Service dogs are typically granted access to all areas of the airport, including security checkpoints and lounges. However, it’s important to ensure that your service dog remains well-behaved and under your control at all times. By understanding and complying with the legal requirements and regulations for traveling with a service dog, you can ensure a smooth and hassle-free experience for both you and your furry companion.

Here is a link to relief areas of most major U.S. Airports;

2. Preparing your service dog for the airport environment

Preparing your service dog for the airport environment is an essential step in ensuring a smooth and stress-free air travel experience. It is crucial to expose your dog to various airport-related sights, sounds, and smells to familiarize them with the bustling atmosphere. Start by introducing your service dog to the sound of airplanes taking off and landing. You can play recordings or take your dog to a nearby airport, keeping a safe distance. Gradually increase their exposure, allowing them to become comfortable with the noise. Additionally, simulate the airport security process by gently patting and touching your dog’s body, paws, and ears. This will help them acclimate to the invasive yet necessary security measures they will encounter. Practice walking on different surfaces such as linoleum, tile, and carpet to prepare your dog for the different types of flooring at the airport.

Furthermore, expose your service dog to crowds of people, allowing them to become accustomed to the hustle and bustle of the airport. Insider training tip; take your service dog to off site long term parking lot at airport, ride shuttle to airport and work with your dog in the common area of airport and spend a few hours acclimating to airport environment, best $10 you will spend preparing for your trip. Other options include taking your service dog to a local train station and bring your service dog on train, or even bus, to familiarize your service dog with transportation with other people. DMV is also another great place to bring your service dog to help simulate being in a busy airport.  You may encounter an escalator at the airport, usually you can ride elevator but if you want to use escalator we also recommend taking your service dog to local mall where you can practice going up and down the escalator.  It is vital to remember that each dog is unique, and their comfort level may vary. Patience, consistency, and positive reinforcement are key to preparing your service dog for the airport environment.

Sounds and Stimuli to Expect once at the airport;

Moving walkways and escalators
Dogs are not naturally inclined to walk on escalators and moving walkways. Watch out for their paws! Practice at dog friendly outdoor places.  Try over and over until your dog gets used to the moving platform or escalator.

Elevators
Usually not a problem for most service dogs, but in some cases it can get very tight with suitcases strollers etc.

Large trolleys
Trolleys carrying baggage, people, garbage ect are all things to expect.  They have big wheels and make a lot of noise.

Hand dryer in bathrooms
If your service dog is afraid of blow dryers, the bathroom is going to be a challenge. Practice at home when you dry your hair by keeping your dog in the bathroom with you.  Do this every morning until they seem comfortable with the sound.

Rolling suitcases
Just another thing to get used to.

Metal detectors/Security Equipment
Be prepared for a lot of commotion at the security line – it’s a good idea to place the dog into a down-stay while you are unloading your bag, taking off shoes, ect.  Down-stay is also useful when going through the metal detectors.  Some TSA agents make the dog go through fully naked while others allow them to keep on their vest.

Dealing with Reactive dogs
Airlines have clearly defined rules that reactive dogs cannot be allowed on planes, but there has not been any crack down on it. Reactive dog situations will occur at some point.

3. Training your service dog for airport security procedures

Training your service dog for airport security procedures is a crucial step in ensuring a smooth and stress-free travel experience. Airports can be overwhelming and crowded, with various security measures in place that can potentially create anxiety for both you and your service dog. By properly training your canine companion, you can navigate these procedures with ease. The first step is to familiarize your service dog with the sound and sight of metal detectors and X-ray machines. Start by exposing them to similar sounds and equipment in a controlled environment. Your local court house is a great place for this type of training for your service dog.

Gradually increase the intensity of the sounds and the proximity to the equipment to desensitize your dog to potential stressors. Next, it is essential to train your service dog to remain calm and obedient during the security screening process. Practice commands such as “sit,” “stay,” and “wait” to ensure your dog remains focused and composed. Additionally, accustom your dog to being touched and handled by strangers, as airport security personnel may need to perform a physical inspection. It is also crucial to work on your dog’s ability to walk through security checkpoints without hesitation. Teach them to walk confidently and calmly on a loose leash, without reacting to distractions or sudden movements.

Practice this in various environments to simulate the busy atmosphere of an airport. Furthermore, ensure your service dog is familiar with traveling crates or carriers. Introduce them to the crate gradually, associating it with positive experiences such as treats and rewards. This will help your dog feel secure and comfortable during the screening process, as they will be required to be separated from you temporarily. Lastly, consider obtaining the necessary documentation for your service dog, such as a letter from a healthcare professional or an identification card. This documentation will help streamline the security process and ensure your service dog is recognized as a trained companion. Remember, patience and consistency are key when training your service dog for airport security procedures. By investing time and effort into this aspect of their training, you can enhance their ability to navigate airports smoothly while alleviating any potential stress or anxiety for both you and your furry companion.

4. Teaching your service dog in-flight behavior and comfort techniques

Teaching your service dog in-flight behavior and comfort techniques is crucial for a smooth and stress-free air travel experience. Whether you’re a frequent flyer or have a specific trip planned, preparing your service dog for flying is essential. First and foremost, it’s important to ensure that your service dog is comfortable and calm in confined spaces. Start by introducing your dog to a crate or carrier if you have a small service animal, if on the larger side, we recommend bus or train rides to simulate the environment of an airplane. Gradually get them accustomed to spending time in the crate or small space, using positive reinforcement techniques such as treats and praise.

Next, it’s important to teach your service dog appropriate in-flight behavior. Start by reinforcing basic obedience commands such as sit, stay, and settle. These commands will help your dog remain calm and well-behaved during the flight. Practice these commands in various environments to ensure that your dog can follow them even amidst distractions. Additionally, consider teaching your service dog a specific “air travel” command. This command can be used to signal when it’s time for your dog to settle down and remain calm during the flight. This can be reinforced using verbal cues, hand signals, or a designated mat or blanket that signifies their designated space. Comfort techniques are also essential for your service dog during air travel. Consider providing familiar items, such as their favorite blanket or toy, to help create a sense of comfort and familiarity. Remember, every service dog is unique, so it’s important to tailor the training and comfort techniques to your dog’s specific needs. Patience, consistency, and positive reinforcement are key to successfully training your service dog for air travel and ensuring a comfortable and stress-free journey for both of you.

Types of people you will meet while boarding plane:

The Curious People
These people mean no harm, they are just unfamiliar with the process and are understandably curious about your dog especially kids. They will ask questions, and it is up to you if you want to answer.

The Children
Children love dogs. They’ll want to say hi. It is up to you whether or not you want to engage with the children.

The Dog Haters
Some people have had bad experiences with dogs, which is unfortunate.  Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do but ignore them. If your dog isn’t bothering them and is tucked away under your seat, there really isn’t anything they should be upset about.

The Allergic to Dogs
This happens, and it was important for us to respect the perons allergy. Some people are severely allergic to dogs which leads to a more tricky situation that should be respected.  When this happens, ask the flight attendant to relocate you to the very back of the plane to accommodate the request of passenger with allergies.

The pilot and staff
We have noticed that airlines are inconsistent with how friendly their staff are so it’s just depends on who is checking you in. Many times, the pilots will want to say hi.  Of course, this is entirely up to you and they always ask for permission and understand your preferences.

The TSA
Your dog can generally keep its gear on when going through security.  You will put him in a down stay and then walk through the metal detector with your back to him.  Then you call him to you.  TSA will test your hands and often will pat down your dog.  They are generally very friendly but you should expect more scrutiny in terms of bag checking and pat downs.

Service Dog – Air Travel

Flying with a service animal on American Airlines

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USE THIS LINK TO VISIT THE ORIGINAL PAGE FROM WHICH THIS INFORMATION WAS COPIED.

Fully-trained service dogs may fly in the cabin at no charge if they meet the requirements.

A service animal is defined as a dog that’s individually trained to do work or perform tasks for the benefit of a qualified individual with a disability, including a physical, sensory, psychiatric, intellectual, or other mental disability, including but not limited to:

  • Visual impairments
  • Deafness
  • Seizures
  • Mobility impairments
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder

Our team members are trained to ask certain questions to determine if your animal is a service animal acceptable for travel.

Please note, service animals in training, emotional support animals, and comfort animals may travel as pets, not as service animals. All requirements and applicable fees will apply.

Pets

Forms and advanced notice

To travel with a service animal on flights operated by American, you must submit the U.S. Department of Transportation (DOT) Service Animal Air Transportation Form attesting to the animal’s health, training, and behavior to the Special Assistance Desk at least 48 hours before your flight. We’ll notify you upon document approval.

You can complete the form at the airport if you bought your ticket within 48 hours before the flight. Be sure to arrive early.

DOT Service Animal Air Transportation Form (PDF) Opens a PDF form in a new window.

This form is compatible with the latest version of JAWS and NVDA screen readers, and it may be completed and signed on a desktop or mobile device using Adobe Acrobat Reader.

Get Adobe Acrobat Reader Opens another site in a new window that may not meet accessibility guidelines.

If your trip includes a flight on a partner airline you’ll need to contact them and complete all required forms for traveling with a service animal.

Flights to the U.S.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a temporary suspension of dogs, including service dogs, traveling to the U.S. from countries considered high-risk for dog rabies.

Only service dogs with an approved CDC Dog Import Permit, or that meet CDC U.S. vaccination and microchip requirements may fly on American.

Flights over 8 hours

If you have a flight over 8 hours in your itinerary, the Department of Transportation Service Animal Relief Attestation Sanitation Form is also required stating your animal won’t need to relieve itself or can do so in a way that doesn’t create a health or sanitation issue.

DOT Service Animal Relief Attestation Form (PDF) Opens in a new window

This form is compatible with the latest version of JAWS and NVDA screen readers, and it may be completed and signed on a desktop or mobile device using Adobe Acrobat Reader.

Instructions

  1. Read and complete the DOT Service Animal Air Transportation Form
  2. Complete the DOT Service Animal Relief Attestation Form if applicable
  3. Submit at least 48 hours before your flight
  4. Keep the form with you during your trip

Submit the DOT Service Animal form

Service Animal ID

Once you’ve submitted your form and it’s been approved, we’ll send you an email with your Service Animal ID (SVAN ID). You can add the SVAN ID when booking future travel with this animal and be approved without resubmitting forms. Keep in mind, your SVAN ID will expire after 1 year from the date of signature or when the animal’s vaccination expires, whichever is first.

Service Dog Pass™

Handlers with a Service Dog Pass ID (SDP ID) can enjoy a more seamless travel experience thanks to our partnership with K9s For Warriors and Service Dog Pass. You can add an SDP ID instead of an American-issued Service Animal ID (SVAN ID) when booking travel with us and be approved without submitting forms.

Service Dog Pass Opens another site in a new window that may not meet accessibility guidelines

Travel requirements

  • Animal must be harnessed, leashed or tethered at all times
  • Animals under 4 months of age may not travel as a service animal
  • Animal must be clean and well-behaved
  • Animal must be able to fit at your feet, under your seat or in your lap (lap animals must be smaller than a 2-year old child)
  • Final approval for travel will not happen until you arrive at the airport and it is determined that the animal will safely fit at your feet.
  • If the animal is in a kennel, it must fit under the seat in front of you with the animal in it.
  • An individual is limited to 2 service animals

Animals may not:

  • Be seated in an exit row
  • Protrude into or block aisles
  • Occupy a seat
  • Eat from tray tables

If your animal is too large or too heavy to be safely accommodated in the cabin, you may need to:

  • Rebook on a flight with more open seats
  • Buy a ticket for the animal
  • Transport the animal as a checked pet.

Animal behavior

Animals must be trained to behave properly in public and they won’t be permitted in the cabin if they display any form of disruptive behavior that can’t be successfully corrected or controlled, including but not limited to:

  • Growling
  • Biting or attempting to bite
  • Jumping on or lunging at people

If this behavior is observed at any point during your journey and isn’t corrected or controlled, the animal will be considered a pet. All requirements and applicable fees will apply.

If you don’t complete or meet all the requirements, your animal may be able to fly as a pet. All requirements and applicable fees will apply.

Pets

Destinations with restrictions

Hawaii This content can be expanded
London, England (LHR) This content can be expanded
Edinburgh, Scotland (EDI) This content can be expanded
All other destinations within the United Kingdom This content can be expanded
Ireland This content can be expanded
India This content can be expanded
Japan This content can be expanded
Auckland, New Zealand (AKL) This content can be expanded
Hong Kong (HKG) This content can be expanded
Georgetown, Guyana (GEO) This content can be expanded
St Vincent and the Grenadines (SVD) This content can be expanded

Flying on a partner airline?

Find helpful information if your trip includes 1 or more flights with our partner airlines.

You may also like…

 

Samoan UCC Easter Performance

Performance Date Nov 5, 2012

2 1 Vivii Atu La – Majesty 5.51 https://youtu.be/YxyRDndxS9o
Beverly Heroux Memorial Service 45.58 https://youtu.be/K3uRdKLToXQ
1 1 Faafetai i le Atua – A Song of Thanksgiving 5.02 https://youtu.be/gkh2D-X8Cp8 over 20,000 hits
Introductions 2.42 https://youtu.be/y40ndoMXvp0
2 11 Closing Credits 4.08 https://youtu.be/YDr3cK1TWh8
2 10 – Li ili le Pu – Song of Victory 5.31 https://youtu.be/HgGBB0rGBmg
2 9 Acknowledgements 6.38 https://youtu.be/npdPe-btgEw
2 8 Oh Happy Day 6.15 https://youtu.be/IeCkio9MAuk
2 7 Sunday School Medley 3.12 https://youtu.be/eEEW5W41EXk
Over 12,000 hits
2 6 Lo’u Alii Faafetai – Thank You Lord 3.52 https://youtu.be/9mFZ6Ug0EZQ
2 5 Le Au Uso -Because He Lives 6.04 https://youtu.be/7iFxDESL0pE
2 4 Lo Ta Nu’u – Land of our Fathers 5.41 https://youtu.be/qQFtAWP2ByQ
Over 18,000 hits
2 3 Avatu i le Tupu – Onward Christian Soldiers 4.03 https://youtu.be/4ZK6pyuePaU
2 2 La e Afio Mai – I Need Thee Every Hour 5.32 https://youtu.be/KuvpxK9ioHM
2 0 – Return from Intermission 2.03 https://youtu.be/08ndthEwdK8
1 8 Aue o Nuu Ese Uma – Song of Light 6.04 https://youtu.be/y9lTw2ruSAk
1 7 Lord I Lift Your Name on High 4.42 https://youtu.be/C6B-324-Msk
1 6 E Lo’u Tama e, ua Faafetai – My Father, I Thank You 4.55 https://youtu.be/wwMto42jrQ4
Over 11,000 hits
1 5 Faasaga a’e O’u mata – I Lift my Eyes to the Hills 5.34 https://youtu.be/vouMTRMp-E4
1 4 E Silisili Pea -Great is Thy Faithfulness 4.56 https://youtu.be/Xrk_Te03K3w
1 3 E lelei mea uma – Praise My Soul 6.41 https://youtu.be/rzNDQdbQ8fM
1 2 O le Tatalo – Song of Prayer 6.01 https://youtu.be/CkxcPZPmg2A
Samoan 1 0 Entry Procession 4.27 https://youtu.be/dSL5zXqEzL8
Samoans Second Half – Continuous Take 1.24.12 https://youtu.be/aHSO–Co2ng
Samoans First Half – Continuous Take 51.33 https://youtu.be/X56mTteAF9k

Individual Church Performances and Songs

SAGES, Called to Care, and Similar

Any informational service performed in conjunction with a church is shown here.