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- Rule #1: Once you have their money, you never give it back.
- Rule #2: The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
- Rule #3: Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
- Rule #4: Time and Latinum are precious.
- Rule #5: Always exaggerate your estimate.
- Rule #6: Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
- Rule #7: Keep your ears open.
- Rule #8: Small print leads to large risk.
- Rule #9: Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. Instinct without opportunity is useless.
- Rule #10: Greed is eternal.
- Rule #11: Even if it’s free, you can always buy it cheaper.
- Rule #12: Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
- Rule #13: Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
- Rule #14: Keep your family close; keep your Latinum closer.
- Rule #15: Death – – – (a). Dead men close no deals. (b). A dead customer can’t buy as much as a live one. (c). A dead vendor doesn’t demand money (d). Death cannot be bribed.
- Rule #16: A deal is a deal, until a better one comes along.
- Rule #17: A contract is a contract is a contract: but only between Ferengi.
- Rule #18: A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
- Rule #19: Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
- Rule #20: He who dives under the table today, lives to profit tomorrow.
- Rule #21: Never place friendship before profit.
- Rule #22: A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
- Rule #23: Nothing is more important than health, except money.
- Rule #24: Latinum can’t buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.
- Rule #25: You pay for it, it’s your idea.
- Rule #26: As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
- Rule #27: There’s nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
- Rule #28: Whisper your way to success.
- Rule #29: Always ask, “What’s in it for me?”
- Rule #30: Talk is cheap, synthehol isn’t.
- Rule #31: Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother (added later) insult something he cares about instead.
- Rule #32: Be careful what you sell, it may do exactly what the customer
- expects. Rule #33: It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
- Rule #34: War is good for business, (added later) but only from a distance, the closer to the front lines, the less profitable it gets.
- Rule #35: Peace is good for business… unless you happen to be an arms merchant!
- Rule #36: Neutrality is good for business.
- Rule #37: If it’s free, take it and worry about hidden costs later.
- Rule #38: Everyone needs something.
- Rule #39: Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.
- Rule #40: She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum.
- Rule #41: Profit is its own reward.
- Rule #42: What’s mine is mine.
- Rule #43: What’s yours can be mine.
- Rule #44: Never confuse wisdom with luck.
- Rule #45: Expand or Die.
- Rule #46: Make your shop easy to find.
- Rule #47: Don’t trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
- Rule #48: The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
- Rule #49: Everything is worth something to somebody.
- Rule #50: Gratitude can bring on generosity.
- Rule #51: Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so.
- Rule #52: Never ask when you can take.
- Rule #53: Never trust anybody taller than you.
- Rule #54: Never trust a Ferengi with bigger lobes.
- Rule #55: Advertise.
- Rule #56: Be discreet.
- Rule #57 :Good customers are as rare as Latinum; treasure them.
- Rule #58: There is no substitute for success.
- Rule #59: Free advice is seldom cheap.
- Rule #60: Keep your lies consistent.
- Rule #61: Never underestimate the power of bribery.
- Rule #62: The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
- Rule #63: Share only what isn’t yours.
- Rule #64: You don’t need a store front to set up shop.
- Rule #65: Win or lose, there’s always Huyperian beetle snuff.
- Rule #66: Double the price, then sell it half off.
- Rule #67: Always inspect the merchandise.
- Rule #68: A little ear stroking goes a long way.
- Rule #69: Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
- Rule #70: Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other Ferengi.
- Rule #71: Close the deal, and then answer questions.
- Rule #72: Never trust your customers, especially if they are your relatives.
- Rule #73: If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
- Rule #74: Knowledge equals profit.
- Rule #75: Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum.
- Rule #76: Every once in a while, declare peace. “It confuses the hell out of your enemies
- Rule #77: It’s better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
- Rule #78: When the going gets tough, the tough change the Rules.
- Rule #79: Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
- Rule #80: Greed is known by many names.
- Rule #81: There’s a difference between being a coward and running away.
- Rule #82: The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
- Rule #83: Even the wealth of the Nagus started with one slip of Latinum.
- Rule #84: A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
- Rule #85: Never let the competition know what you’re thinking.
- Rule #86: When the odds are against you never give up; just quit.
- Rule #87: A friend in need means three times the profit.
- Rule #88: It ain’t over ’till it’s over.
- Rule #89: Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits.
- Rule #90: The Divine Treasury awaits.
- Rule #91: Hear all, trust nothing.
- Rule #92: There are many paths to profit.
- Rule #93: Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
- Rule #94: Females and finances don’t mix.
- Rule #95: Prejudice only eliminates customers.
- Rule #96: For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule (except when there’s not.)
- Rule #97: Enough… is never enough.
- Rule #98: Every man has his price.
- Rule #99: Trust is the biggest liability of all.
- Rule #100: If they take your first offer, you either asked too little, or offered too much.
- Rule #101: The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
- Rule #102: Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever.
- Rule #103: Sleep: (a) Sleep can interfere with negotiations. (b) Sleep can interfere with opportunity. (c) Never sleep with the boss’s wife unless you pay him first. (d) Never sleep with the boss’s sister.
- Rule #104: Faith moves mountains of inventory.
- Rule #105: Don’t trust anyone who trusts you.
- Rule #106: There is no honor in poverty.
- Rule #107: A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
- Rule #108: Don’t buy what you can’t sell.
- Rule #109: Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
- Rule #110: Playing dumb is often smart.
- Rule #111: Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them [ruthlessly].
- Rule #112: Never have sex with the boss’ sister.
- Rule #113: Always have sex with the boss.
- Rule #114: Morality is defined by those in power
- Rule #115: The best contract always has a lot of fine print.
- Rule #116: There’s always a catch.
- Rule #117: Profit is the better part of valor.
- Rule #118: There is no profit in revenge.
- Rule #119: Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet, sometimes, good things come in small packages.
- Rule #120: Borrow on a handshake, lend in writing.
- Rule #121: Everything is for sale, including friendship.
- Rule #122: Do not forsake your profits and they will watch over you.
- Rule #123: Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.
- Rule #124: Diligent hands bring wealth.
- Rule #125: You can’t make a deal if you’re dead.
- Rule #126: Count it.
- Rule #127: Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.
- Rule #128: Secrets are commodities, sell them.
- Rule #129: The fear of poverty is the beginning of knowledge.
- Rule #130: Never pay for sentiment, always charge for it.
- Rule #131: Information is profit.
- Rule #132: Never take no from someone who wasn’t authorized to give you yes.
- Rule #133: Only those ideas that lead to profit are good.
- Rule #134: One good turn requires another.
- Rule #135: Never trust a beneficiary.
- Rule #136: Seek profit first and everything else will follow.
- Rule #137: Everything is negotiable.
- Rule #138: Wealth brings satisfaction.
- Rule #139: Wives serve, brothers inherit.
- Rule #140: Better great treasure with trouble than peace with poverty.
- Rule #141: Only fools pay retail.
- Rule #142: There’s no such thing as an unfair advantage.
- Rule #143: Risk is part of the game… play it for all it’s worth.
- Rule #144: There’s nothing wrong with charity…as long as it winds up in your pocket.
- Rule #145: A little and often fills your pockets.
- Rule #146: Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father.
- Rule #147: In all worthwhile labor there is profit.
- Rule #148: Wealth enables experience.
- Rule #149: Profit is encouragement to industry and enterprise.
- Rule #150: The way to become rich is to put all your Latinum in one sack, then watch the sack.
- Rule #151: The man is richest who’s pleasures are cheapest.
- Rule #152: A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn’t know
- Rule #153: Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
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- Rule #155: Power is 50% what you have and 50% what people think you have.
- Rule #156: Rainy days are good for business.
- Rule #157: Common sense is the collection of the customer’s prejudices.
- Rule #158: The first principle of a rigid businessman is to always be flexible.
- Rule #159: There are no creeds in mathematics.
- Rule #160: Happiness is not mere possession of profit, but joy of acquisition.
- Rule #161: Beyond the mountains there are more mountains.
- Rule #162: Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
- Rule #163: When a friend makes profit, you don’t.
- Rule #164: Life does not guarantee equality of conditions, only of opportunity.
- Rule #165: Never let your sense of morals get in the way of opportunity.
- Rule #166: The success of any great transaction does not depend on odds.
- Rule #167: Earning is not only a duty it’s a privilege.
- Rule #168: Whisper your way to success.
- Rule #169: Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
- Rule #170: The hand that feeds could be bitten.
- Rule #171: Blood is thicker than water, and harder to sell. Latinum is thicker than both.
- Rule #172: Chances aren’t what they used to be.
- Rule #173: Dream, plan, believe, act.
- Rule #174: If you can’t buy it, find someone who can.
- Rule #175: Gratitude is expensive.
- Rule #176: The wind always favors the best navigator.
- Rule #177: Know your enemies… but do business with them always.
- Rule #178: Power, leisure, and liberty are all words for profit.
- Rule #179: Opportunity may bring profit, friendship rarely does.
- Rule #180: Never discuss an opportunity with someone wealthier than you.
- Rule #181: Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
- Rule #182: The cost for profit is never too high.
- Rule #183: When it’s a question of profit, everyone is of one belief.
- Rule #184: In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
- Rule #185: Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.
- Rule #186: There is no security, only opportunity.
- Rule #187: The philosophy of one is the common sense of another.
- Rule #188: A fool and his money are the best customer.
- Rule #189: Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
- Rule #190: Hear all, trust nothing.
- Rule #191: A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
- Rule #192: Never cheat a Klingon… unless you’re sure you can get away with it.
- Rule #193: Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of desire.
- Rule #194: It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
- Rule #195: You can’t jump a 20 foot gorge in two 10 foot jumps.
- Rule #196: Listen to advice; then do what you want anyway.
- Rule #197: Pick battles big enough to matter, but small enough to win.
- Rule #198: You can’t shake hands with a fist.
- Rule #199: The universe is not as difficult to comprehend as a Vulcan.
- Rule #200: A Ferengi chooses no side but his own.
- Rule #201: Wisdom consists of the anticipation of costs and consequences.
- Rule #202: The justification of profit is profit.
- Rule #203: New customers are like razor-backed Gree-worms… They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!
- Rule #204: It takes a Ferengi to cheat a Ferengi.
- Rule #205: Trust can be expensive.
- Rule #206: Distrust can be expensive.
- Rule #207: Sense without education is better than education without sense.
- Rule #208: Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question, is an answer.
- Rule #209: To many lobes spoil the deal.
- Rule #210: Always be smarter than the people you hire.
- Rule #211: Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success… don’t hesitate to step on them.
- Rule #212: You and your Latinum are all you’ve got.
- Rule #213: Those who concede to sell for less understand the value of business.
- Rule #214: Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
- Rule #215: Profit may not bring happiness, but there is no happiness without profit.
- Rule #216: Never gamble with an empath.
- Rule #217: You can’t free a fish from water.
- Rule #218: Always know what you’re buying.
- Rule #219: Possession is 11/10 of the law.
- Rule #220: Listen what they say while watching what they do.
- Rule #221: Computers can only give you the answers.
- Rule #222: The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be believed.
- Rule #223: Beware the man who doesn’t make time for oo-mox.
- Rule #224: Listen to your lobes.
- Rule #225: Always follow one step ahead.
- Rule #226: Learn the language; translators malfunction.
- Rule #227: Emulation with profit is better than innovation with none.
- Rule #228: Bid high and bid often.
- Rule #229: Latinum lasts longer than lust.
- Rule #230: If they’re smarter than you, make them a lesser partner.
- Rule #231: There’s a customer born every minute; be sure you’re the first to find each one.
- Rule #232: Deal only with select clientele. (Those who are rich and not so bright.)
- Rule #233: Latinum doesn’t grow on trees.
- Rule #234: There’s nothing wrong with a good delusion.
- Rule #235: Duck; death is tall.
- Rule #236: You can’t buy fate.
- Rule #237: It’s good to want things, especially things you can’t have.
- Rule #238: How I handle my business is none of yours.
- Rule #239: Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
- Rule #240: Do it yourself and keep it yourself.
- Rule #241: Never trust a hardworking employee.
- Rule #242: More is good… all is better.
- Rule #243: The more good will you can generate, the longer your customers stay.
- Rule #244: Because something’s priceless doesn’t mean it’s not worthless.
- Rule #245: Benevolence is 50/50.
- Rule #246: Innocence is expensive.
- Rule #247: Don’t negotiate with the underlings.
- Rule #248: Profit is in the details.
- Rule #249: Once it’s sold stop selling.
- Rule #250: Precious things are for those that can prize them.
- Rule #251: Don’t miss the opportunity by grabbing at the shadow.
- Rule #252: Little steps may prove great profit.
- Rule #253: Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer’s stuck purse.
- Rule #254: Better a fat slave than to starve free.
- Rule #255: A wife is a luxury… a smart accountant, a necessity.
- Rule #256: Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score.
- Rule #257: Despise the things you cannot have.
- Rule #258: A slip in the hand is better than a bar in sight.
- Rule #259: Wealth not yours might well as not exist.
- Rule #260: Life’s not fair. How else would you turn a profit?
- Rule #261: A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
- Rule #262: A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
- Rule #263: Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum.
- Rule #264: Distrust interested advice.
- Rule #265: The customer is always right… until you get their Latinum.
- Rule #266: When in doubt, lie.
- Rule #267: If you believe it, they believe it.
- Rule #268: Hold on to what you have, but plan for future luck.
- Rule #269: Trying to please an enemy makes you the loser everytime.
- Rule #270: In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.
- Rule #271: What we want is not always the most profitable.
- Rule #272: Think twice before leaping once.
- Rule #273: Don’t waste your breath arguing with a Klingon; save it for the running you may have to do.
- Rule #274: Consider your next transaction while counting your Latinum.
- Rule #275: Foolish investment based on foolish advice is still foolish investment.
- Rule #276: Overbooking is standard practice.
- Rule #277: Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from.
- Rule #278: Appearances are deceptive. Dress above yourself.
- Rule #279: Necessity knows no price.
- Rule #280: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
- Rule #281: Greed cannot overreach itself.
- Rule #282: The value of something is not in its use, but in its price.
- Rule #283: An individual is smart, a group is not.
- Rule #284: Deep down, everyone’s a Ferengi.
- Rule #285: No good deed ever goes unpunished.
- Rule #286: When Morn leaves, it’s over.
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The Final Rule – also known as The Unwritten Rule: When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up!
- 150 Worthy Corollaries
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- A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.
- Shoot first. Count profits later.
- Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal.
- Money is money, but females are better.
- The answer to quick and easy profit is: buy for less, sell for more
- Why ask, when you can take?
- Good things often come in small packages.
- A good lie is easier to believe than the truth.
- If that’s what’s written, then that’s what’s written.
- A distracted policeman is an opportunity.
- If it works, sell it. If it works well, sell it for more. If it doesn’t work, quadruple the price and sell it as an antique.
- Time, like latinum, is a highly limited commodity.
- When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits… kill the messenger.
- Only negotiate when you are certain to profit
- A bargain usually isn’t
- There is no profit in buying cheap merchandise
- Acting stupid is often smart
- Latinum isn’t the only thing that shines
- Exploitation begins at home.
- Don’t lie too soon after a promotion
- Opportunity waits for no one
- Pain passes, but profits remain.
- After you’ve exploited someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it’s easier to exploit them next time
- Work hard so you don’t have to.
- Keep count of your change
- The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it
- If you can’t break a contract, bend it
- Ferengi’s don’t give promotional gifts!
- Never take the last coin, but be sure to get the rest
- When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat
- Profit has limits. Loss has none
- The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down
- Never cheat a honest man offering a decent price
- Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers
- A smart customer is not a good customer
- Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent
- Never argue with a loaded phaser
- Fear makes a good business partner
- Mine is better than ours
- Never do something you can make someone do for you
- When someone says “It’s not the money,” they’re lying
- If you see profit on a journey, take it
- When someone says “It’s not the money, it’s the principle.” It’s the money
- Beware of small expenses: a small leak will kill a ship
- Never use Latinum where your words will do
- Power without profit is like a ship without an engine
- Everything that has no owner, needs one
- Never buy anything you can’t sell.
- Never buy what can be stolen. Anything stolen is pure profit.
- Always sell at the highest possible profit
- Good customers are almost as rare as Latinum – treasure them
- Sell first; ask questions later
- Beware of relatives bearing gifts
- Time is Latinum. The early Ferengi get the Latinum
- Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon
- Money talks, but having a lots of it gets more attention
- Wise men don’t lie, they just bend the truth
- Never admit a mistake if there’s someone else to blame
- Pursue profit; women come later
- Friendship is seldom cheap
- You could afford your ship without your government – if it weren’t for your government.
- A warranty without loop-holes is a liability
- Money is never made. It is merely won or lost
- Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise
- Never bluff a Klingon
- If the profit seems too good to be true, it usually is.
- Gamble and trade have two things in common: risk and Latinum
- Compassion is no substitute for a profit
- Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person
- Benefit from the greed of others
- Celebrate when you are paid, not, when you are promised
- Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder.
- He’s a fool who makes his doctor his heir
- If you can’t sell it, sit on it, but never give it away
- If you would keep a secret from an enemy, don’t tell it to a friend. The secret of one person is another person’s opportunity
- Don’t discriminate. The most unlikely species can create the best customers
- Don’t pay until you have the goods
- Buy, sell, or get out of the way
- The customer is always right … until you have their cash
- Most species will say how it can be done. Ferengi do it.
- Only a fool passes up a business opportunity
- A lie isn’t a lie until someone else knows the truth.
- His money is only yours when he can’t get it back
- A lie isn’t a lie, it’s just the truth seen from a different point of view.
- A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer
- You can always buy back a lost reputation
- Respect other culture’s beliefs; they’ll be more likely to give you money
- Respect is good, Latinum is better
- Loose lips, lose ships.
- Only fools negotiate with their own money.
- Sometimes, what you get free costs entirely too much
- The family of Fools is ancient
- A thirsty customer is good for profit, a drunk one isn’t
- You are surrounded by opportunities; you just have to know where to look
- Drive your business or it will drive you
- Always ask for the costs first
- Never kill a customer, unless you make more profit out of his death than out of his life
- Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else’s
- If you’re going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable
- The difference between manure and Latinum is commerce
- Never allow one’s culture’s law to get in the way of a universal goal: profit
- When everything fails – run
- The world is a stage – don’t forget to demand admission
- A piece of Latinum in the hand is worth two in a customer’s pocket
- Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough
- Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive. Fair play and financial loss go hand-in-hand
- When you have only 2 slips of Latinum left, buy bread with one, and bet the other.
- Whenever you think that things can’t get worse, the FCA will be knocking on you door.
- If you want to ruin yourself there are three known ways: Gambling is the fastest, women are the sweetest, and banks are the most reliable way
- Never offer a confession when a bribe will do
- Whenever you are asked if you are god, the right answer is YES.
- Genius without opportunity is like Latinum in the mine.
- Never bet on a race you haven’t fixed.
- Wounds heal, but debt is forever.
- Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes.
- Friends: (a) A friend in need is a customer in the making. (b). A friend in need means three times the profit
- A Ferengi in need, will never do anything for free
- When the Grand Nagus arrives to offer you a business opportunity, it’s time to leave town until he’s gone.
- Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer.
- Tell them what they want to hear.
- Never take hospitality from someone worse off than yourself
- Profit is like a bed of roses – a few thorns are inevitable.
- If you steal it, make sure it has a warranty.
- Rich men don’t come to buy; they come to take.
- Ambition knows no family.
- No lobes, no profit.
- The fear of loss may be your greatest enemy or your best friend – choose wisely.
- Wish not so much to Live Long, as to Live Well
- Anyone who can’t tell a fake doesn’t deserve the real thing.
- Never underestimate the importance of the fist impression.
- Never purchase anything that has been promised to be valuable or go up in value.
- If at first you don’t succeed, try to acquire again.
- There’s many witty men whose brains can’t line their pockets.
- It’s better to have gambled and lost than to never have gambled at all.
- It’s better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
- An empty bag can not stand upright.
- Never close a deal too soon after a female strokes your lobes.
- Business is like war; it’s important to recognize the winner.
- Rules are always subject to change and interpretation.
- Planning is okay, but on the 17th time of playing a scenario out in your head, ask yourself “is this useful?”
- Release your attachments. And you will find peace.
- You make your beliefs and your beliefs make you.
- If you think you are defeated, you are.
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